Healthy relationships are crucial for humans to truly thrive, but unfortunately, they can seem elusive. Healthy relationships are rarely taught in schools and are often learned at home. If your parents didn’t model a healthy relationship, you might find yourself struggling with your own. A common issue in relationships is codependency, in which one partner relies excessively on the other. How do you know if you’re in a codependent relationship? Learn more about what codependent relationships are and how to distinguish between codependency vs. enabling so you can start to create healthier, more harmonious relationships in your life.
Over time, relationship problems can contribute to substance misuse, addiction, and other concerns. You may benefit from a family therapy program if you’re having trouble with your relationships with family or a partner. To learn more about how family counseling can help you and your loved ones, contact Promises Brazos Valley at 979.426.0086.
What Are Codependent Relationships?
Codependent relationships usually revolve around an unhealthy, excessive reliance on one another or one partner relying heavily on the other. While it’s essential to be able to count on your partner to contribute to the relationship, there’s a difference between doing things to make your partner happy and being codependent. Here are some common traits of codependency:
- Low self-esteem – Not feeling worthy or lovable without the partner’s approval
- Being controlling – Feeling insecure when not in control of the partner’s behavior
- Loss of personal identity – Sense of self revolves primarily around one’s relationship, feeling incomplete without the other person
- Inability to set healthy boundaries – Difficulty saying no to the partner or attending to one’s personal needs
- Excessive people-pleasing – Prioritizing the partner’s happiness and doing whatever it takes to make them happy, even if it’s detrimental to one’s well-being
- Intense fear of abandonment – Frequently worrying about the partner leaving
- Walking on eggshells – Constantly worrying about upsetting the partner
People in codependent relationships give up their own identity, happiness, and overall well-being for the sake of their partner. They believe if they do everything in their power to make their partner happy, the person will love them, value them, and remain loyal to them. Of course, people in healthy relationships also care about the happiness of their partners, but they don’t feel solely responsible for it. There’s often a fine line, but if you frequently forgo the things that matter most to you to satisfy your partner, you might be in a codependent relationship.
Understanding Codependency vs. Enabling
Distinguishing between codependency vs. enabling can sometimes be confusing since there’s some overlap between the two. Here is a brief overview of what each entails.
Codependency
Codependency often stems from low self-esteem and involves a person putting their partner ahead of themself at all times. They obsess over making their partner happy and ensuring they don’t leave. They might come across as clingy or needy.
Enabling
Enabling often starts with the desire to help someone with their problems, such as addiction. The enabler usually has good intentions because they want to prevent their loved one from facing the consequences of their issue. For example, a person whose partner has an alcohol addiction may make excuses for why the person can’t show up for work, take on a second job to help cover the costs of their partner’s alcohol, and take on responsibility for all the household bills. Unlike codependency, the enabling partner isn’t necessarily afraid of the other person rejecting them. Instead, they believe they’re helping ease the other person’s struggles.
Call Promises Brazos Valley Today to Enroll in Our Family Therapy Program
If you think your relationship has unhealthy patterns, contact Brazos Valley at 979.426.0086. Our family therapy programs can help you and those closest to you explore unhealthy dynamics, learn to set boundaries, and communicate more effectively. Call today or complete our online form to learn more.